#3: Intimacy Booster: Acceptance and understanding of healthy touching, affection, and sexual relations.
We touch people differently when being affectionate than when being courteous. A handshake may be courteous; holding hands can be affectionate. Youth need to see you being both courteous and affectionate. You can teach them how to be affectionate by hugging or giving them a gentle kiss, playing games with them, talking to and touching them gently, and telling them you love them. It is crucial that you continue the warm and loving acceptance that helped your children establish their gender identity and healthy intimacy in earlier years. Children should learn that Natural Affection is healthy and desirable. Give your children many direct opportunities to experience positive and caring relationships at home, church and at school. Help children express and receive appropriate positive affection with important people in their lives. Teach them that healthy intimacy leads to healthy sexuality. And that healthy sexuality is a gift from God.
- Teach Good and Bad Touch. Specifically identify the “good and bad touch” areas and who to tell if “bad touch” occurs. Once puberty begins have youth verbalize to you specific body parts of peer males and females which are examples of “good and bad touch”. Make sure you always use the correct names for body parts -no slang- their discussion with you.
- Set an Example for and Teach Healthy Affection. Teach appropriate affection by demonstrating such behavior towards immediate and extended family members. Pay attention to your words, behaviors, and touch as you teach. For example, consider kissing and hugging passionately your romantic partner / spouse in front of the kids. Healthy affection and sexual relations as ordained of God is not dirty or bad.
- Remind Frequently About God’s Glorious Sexual Brain Chemistry. Healthy sexuality only occurs between a married man and a woman-Natural Affection. God created the chemistry in the brain causing the sexual pleasure response. This sexual response between a male and a female is necessary for God’s Plan of Salvation to work. Beginning in puberty, this sexual chemistry becomes strong and constant. This is similar to “booster” used as a “Body Booster-“Teach the Sexual Response is a Biological Response.“
- Remind Frequently About Satan’s Disgusting Synthetic Sexuality. Recognizing the power of the God’s sexual response, Satan has created synthetic sexual counterfeits including movies, books, chatrooms, pictures, porn etc-Unnatural Affection. These materials can trigger God’s glorious sexual brain chemistry. These “pleasure chemicals” triggered from media or some other “synthetic” source may seem similar to God’s “pleasure chemicals” obtained in healthy sexuality found between a real life man and woman. But, they are not! Satan’s disgusting synthetic counterfeits trigger the sexual brain chemistry outside of marriage cause unnatural side effects.
TEMP TAKING IDEAS
A BOOSTER is a dose of an extra administration after an earlier dose had already been given. A booster injection or booster dose is a re-exposure to the immunizing medicine – in our case specific “skills and knowledge”. Repeated “boosters” increase immunity to Satan’s inappropriate use of God’s sexual arousal system. For example, tetanus shot boosters are often recommended every 10 years. Porn Proofing Booster Immunizations are recommended P.R.N. as needed. Multiple Anti-Porn Boosters are required. The single dose of a “Birds and Bees Talk” is ineffective. (Even though it may have worked for our parents with you and I.) Ideally, parents, grandparents, church leaders, school officials unite as a “village” administering appropriate and timely boosters.
Remember in Porn Proofing Kids – Directions we talked about how you take a child’s temperature.
Directions in taking temperatures:
- First: ASK A QUESTION as you become aware of a sexual message from TV, print, billboard, music, video game, cereal box, news, etc etc. OR create the conversation on your own.
- Second: SAY NOTHING (That’s right shut-up): LISTEN with the intent to discern which Porn Proofing Booster is required; how strong of a Booster Dose is needed; and when best to deliver the Booster.
For now, do NOT worry about the Third: TEACH step.
Just ASK, shut-up and LISTEN.
I understand many of you may have difficulty in approaching these topics. Perhaps, you may personally have some doubt about the truthfulness of Intimacy Boosters.
Nevertheless, our children are influenced by very powerful intimacy misinformation. You need to take the temperatures of your kids on these very sensitive intimacy related issues and get prepared to deliver a intimacy booster.
- ASK What parts of another girl’s / boy’s body would be okay for you to touch? Wrong for you to touch?
- ASK Do any of your friends have a boyfriend/girlfriend? What does that mean if someone has a “girlfriend” or “boyfriend?”
- DO Give your spouse or romantic partner a passionate kiss while in a bear hug – in front of your children. Later ask, how did you feel when you saw me kiss that person? (Don’t worry they see this all the time at school.)
For more experienced youth:
- ASK Have you ever heard of “making out?” “oral sex?” “grinding?” “freaking?” “masturbation?” (Or select any other sexual term you may have recently heard.) How do you feel about this behavior? How do you think God feels about this behavior?
- READ the following paragraph from The Strength Of Youth Pamphlet:
Before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. ASK: What do you think? Why would the prophet say that?
- ASK In your opinion when is it okay to hug someone? Shake someone’s hands? and Kiss someone? Why?
- LISTEN AND WATCH together Taylor Swift’s super hit “Blank Space.“ This particular song has over 400,000,000 million views! (Or choose any other popular music video that illustrates horrible examples of intimacy.) ASK: What do you think about this video/song? What does this video teach about boyfriend and girlfriend?
- WATCH together Elder Bednar’s brief Youtube video “We Believe in Being Chaste” and /or “I Choose to Be Pure“ASK: What did you think? (Remember: you’re just trying to take a temp-not administer a booster!)
- SELECT AND READ together a topic from Fight the New Drug website – “Get the Facts.” ASK: What did you think?
- WATCH together President Boyd K. Packer’s brief video “Natural Affection“. ASK: What do you think about “natural affection.”
- READ Romans 1:24-27 ASK: What do you think about “natural affection.”
Ezra Taft Benson reminds us about the importance of talking to our youth about sexual relations:
If we are to preserve our children from the plaguing sin of this generation, we must teach clearly and provide guidelines that will protect them. They must understand the sacred nature of procreation….The Bible makes plain that evil, when related to sex, means not the use of something inherently corrupt but the misuse of something pure and good. It teaches clearly that sex can be a wonderful servant but a terrible master: that it can be a creative force more powerful than any other in the fostering of a love, companionship, happiness or can be the most destructive of all of life’s forces…The Need for Parental Candor – Some parents feel embarrassed to speak frankly to their children about sexual intimacy. However, the world is not embarrassed… (Talking With Your Children About Sexual Purity, Ensign December, 1986).